We are approaching 6 weeks of lock down here in the USA during this COVID-19 pandemic.

My husband just walked in and said, “We have no snacks in the house. I can’t believe I’m hungry again shortly after having lunch.”
“We are out of snacks,” I agreed.

He decided to go online and see if there’s a way to order healthy snacks from Trader Joe’s.
There was something about that conversation that made me start writing this blog.

My thoughts began pondering the word CRAVING. 

“Sometimes, an inner craving feels like hunger.”

This was the first thought that popped into my mind.
I paused again and asked myself, when was the last time I felt a craving so intense that it felt like physical hunger?

Immediately, a memory came up. 

It was a memory of a time when David and I were going through a season of separation (see previous story here). We had bought tickets and planned our trip together for months to the US, but I had a last minute delay with my visa. I couldn’t fly with him. I clearly remember the emptiness in the pit of my stomach the day David flew out to the USA and I remained in South Africa. That night, our apartment suddenly felt so “empty”. There was a dense void that was palpable in my heart, and for the few nights that followed. David also told me that his heart physically ached when he sat on the plane without me. 
This is what a craving feels like, on an emotional level. 

There’s just something about this season that magnifies our physical craving for food. I see that all over my timeline, the recipes and the creativity especially with food. 

Is it really about the food? 

A physical Craving may help point to our inner LONGING for something more. Longing can be described as:

• A hunger
• A craving
• A yearning
• An excruciating desire
• An obsession
• A physical ache

Longing is like a desperate emptiness, a hole dug deep in the soil of one’s heart. 

Longing is a blend of love and sadness. Sometimes, it feels excruciating. 

It’s the emotion that pulls us into a sad song.

It’s the overwhelming feeling that brings us to the brink of tears. 

It’s the visceral desire to seek companionship.

It’s like the sound of the biological clock of a woman’s body craving for a baby.

It’s the desperation to fly that eventually cracks open the cocoon for the butterfly to emerge.

Longing can sneak up on us unexpectedly. We sometimes miss the clues, especially when we can temporarily snuff it out with physical things such as food.  We long because we are not yet satisfied. However, there is an element of transcendent hope embedded in it.

Longing is our instinctive need for wholeness. 

I believe WE LONG because we are created to BELONG. 
Spiritual longing is imprinted on every soul, no matter where you live and what you believe. 
True longing is the desire to be with the Bridegroom (Matthew 9:14).
One day, we will have wings strong enough to fly to our eternal home, where we will no longer experience any longing. But while we are still on this side of life, we will continue to experience a deep, hunger for our spiritual destiny. 

The perspective that has helped me during this confinement season is to simply drop into my heart and retrieve the images of the times that I longed to be united with David, so we could truly be a family. 

We were again separated when David started a new job in San Jose, and I couldn’t enter the US until my green card was finalized. I stayed back in South Africa, raising Phoenix alone and working, while David was miles away in the States at his new job. He would travel back and forth between South Africa and San Jose, California. From the day he departed, we immediately started longing and counting down to his next visit. One excruciating week after another, I longed for when we would be together again as a family, and never have to live apart again. Nothing ever came close to substituting this yearning, not even when I was invited to fancy events, being treated by friends in high-end hospitality business or going shopping. The weeks turned into many months, and more.

 I remember the Spirit whispering to me: “The gift in the pain you are experiencing is to understand how I deeply long to be united with you.”

What if the longing we are experiencing in this in-between season is a gift to help us reconnect with our deeper longings?
Could it be that the discomfort associated with this pandemic is a trail-opening for you and I to journey through our spiritual wilderness, reminding us that we are not home yet? 

Confinement helps purify our senses. Instead of giving in to distraction of chasing every online invitation to stay busy, consider sitting with your longing, so that the Lord can deepen the perspective of your craving. 
Loneliness is meant to remind us that we long for intimacy and connection. So many of us don’t know how to do that, or have barriers. The gift of this season is to facilitate that connection, to tune us back to what it feels like to be lonely, and then move us into a longing that hopefully guides us to set our gaze on our true spiritual longing. 
The opposite of longing is indifference, in the form of numbness, busyness or avoidance.

Restlessness in this quarantine season may be a symptom of healthy longing. Instead of being tempted to be hyperactive, let the Spirit meet you in those deep places. 

For me, this season of shelter-in-place has been a gift. Each time I crave for more personal space from my boys, I remember how much I longed for a time like this. It hasn’t been without discomfort but my overriding perspective has been gratitude. I have held the memory of our previous separation almost everyday for the past 6 weeks of being at home. It has helped me reframe this time of confinement into a season of recovering lost time with my family.
This perspective of revisiting my past “longing” during this pandemic has offered me a strange kind of comfort.
It weirdly feels like a delayed answer to prayer. 

This is an example of how a past pain can produce healing in a present suffering. 

What are you longing for beyond the natural and material things? Beyond COVID-19?
When the lock down is over and you are no longer confined, will you really be satisfied? 
It’s a sobering truth to ponder, that nothing in this material world will ever satisfy our inner longing, not even when the Coronavirus is eradicated. 

We are gifted with this time as humanity to be reminded that this world is not our home.

I will leave you this powerful thought to contemplate:

Every craving is a longing for God.

“As the deer pants for the waters so my soul longs after you.”