Making the right decision doesn’t always take away discomfort. I am experiencing that currently, as I allow myself to navigate tension while doing something delightful in this demanding season of my life.
I am writing this as I prepare for my first in-person speaking event postpandemic and post-twin pregnancy and delivery.
When I was asked to speak, my initial reaction was to say “No”, because my babies will only be 4 months old and I don’t have childcare to travel. But then, I shared with David and he said: “I think you need to go, you need to do something else that you enjoy. See it as a ladies’ night out for yourself.”
David said he’ll take Friday off from work and babysit all the boys.
Wow, a perspective I had not considered, but it resonated with me. I am in need of a break, and some self-care time. It may not be the conventional way, but this event is possibly FOR ME. I am feeling a thrill about having a night to myself, and being with a group of ladies in L.A for a Women’s conference. My passion and purpose centers around people, and live events are a key expression of that for me.
Spring is here and I am feeling aligned with it! I am grateful for the weather becoming nicer and warmer, just as my babies are becoming more interactive, enjoyable and slightly easier. The first few months were tough, I believe this invitation is like a “transition marker” from being super immersed in postpartum, to stepping into a space where I can return some of my non-parental passions. I know it will still be a long while before I can engage in other events that will require more planning, time and energy but for now, this one seems like just about the right size that I can handle – One night, and One hour flight.
As I thought about it, I weighed the pros:
- flying to Los Angeles from San Jose is just about an hour.
- I get a hotel from to myself to sleep through the night
- Everything (flight and hotel) paid for
- I get to do something that I enjoy, that is encouraging and inspiring others.
- The opportunity to experience in/person live event after two, long years.
- Glad it’s on a Friday evening, dinner will be easy for my husband and son because it’s usually “pizza night” and we don’t cook, we just “heat and eat” for dinner.
- My husband can catch up on sleep and rest over the weekend when I return on Saturday afternoon, before he resumes work on Monday.
The downside of-course, is the anxiety of being away from my babies. I feel an immense discomfort lodging in my heart. I have voiced that to David several times this week and he kept reassuring me that he will rise to the occasion. I feel a profound gratitude and appreciation for my extremely supportive and hands-on hubby. My husband has been very good in assisting me consistently with night feeds, so I know that he will do well, and I will survive the one-night. BUT, it’s still hard to dismiss the discomfort completely.
I am learning to hold two opposing emotions simultaneously – the excitement of a girls’ night out, along with a whole room to myself to sleep, and on the flip side – the anxiety of being away from my boys. I guess this is what motherhood is about, living with perpetual tension…
Written by Grace Samson-Song
Grace has been curious about transitions from a very young age. She currently consults and assists people to get unstuck in the areas of life purpose and calling, career choices and personal development. She is the founder of The Maximize group and the Author of Crossing Intersections.
