As my 40th Birthday approached, I initially had all kinds of wild ideas on how to celebrate but a part of me didn’t want some big, noisy event. I knew what I needed the most, my soul whispered it to me – solitude.
My soul was craving for some “returning” of sorts – A pull to remember and recognize.

Looking back to what I call the “dizzying decade,” so much has happened…

In my 30’s, I transitioned from singlehood into the covenant of Marriage. Two are certainly better than one.

I also birthed Maximize, a bold step to unleash my life purpose in the world.

As though these major events weren’t enough…

From 2014, another major WHIRLWIND OF CHANGE began…. The gift of Motherhood arrived, through pregnancy and the birth of our son. This to date is one of my most life-altering “human” experiences.

Simultaneously while transitioning into parenthood, we embarked on a faith-stretching process of moving to the USA and obtaining permanent residency.

So – Yes. The last 4 years have been really wild. The whirlwind swirled us from where we “knew” life, to a completely “new” and unfamiliar place.

One of the familiar places I miss the most is Schoenstatt, a spiritual retreat center in Constantia, Cape Town. David and I had a ritual of taking turns for our silent retreat there. The last time I had spent time there was in 2013.

Life after that became a whirlwind.

In the aftermath, we find ourselves not only in a new season, but we have new identities, new roles and in a new country.
The old has crumbled, the new is crowning.

So I ditched all the usual fun party ideas and searched for perfect place to honour the process within.

Visiting the Carmel Mission Museum was like a return to a point in time.

My memory immediately took me back about 5 years ago, where I had my last silence and solitude retreat in Schoenstatt, Cape Town at the end of 2013.

It’s been THAT long.

I remember picking up a feather on the ground during that retreat, and heard a whisper in my soul “this is a sign of major change coming”.

Fast-forward to 2018, I’m sitting here in silence with a journal on my lap in a prayer garden at the Carmel Mission Museum. There’s a strange familiarity, a connection to this place. It feels like I returned to where I was just before the whirlwind began.
A dejavu experience – when you feel like you have been at the exact spot before, but in reality you haven’t.

I thought about the feather.

My soul nodded. The message was true. It was a symbol of the “winds of change.”

Change has happened.

And I am “still here.”

In the place where “I know”…Solitude.

Solitude is what my soul knows, no matter how long and wild the wind has blown.

I’m in a new place, but I’m still here.

I recognize this…

This place (Carmen Mission) was built in 1770. It has the essence of an old soul – rough, weathered yet alive with spirit. Something in me recognizes that.
40 years of journeying as a human is nothing compared to the hundreds of years of texture that I am noticing in this place, yet it feels like my own soul.

My soul is nodding again.

Change has happened.

I looked at my watch and it was time to leave and meet my boys, who graciously gave me the morning to “be with me” and to “be with God”.

Ironically, time flew by again this morning, as I “journeyed back” to silence and solitude.

As I walked away, I felt deeply grateful that this trip allowed me the opportunity to return to a place I know within, amidst major life changes – a place of stillness, reflection and deep prayers.