“You trust Me because you know what I can do. Are you willing to trust Me even when you do not understand what I’m doing?” – God (Crossing Intersections, pg 16)
Throughout my journey with Jesus, the second part of this quote has been put to me over and over again. It is almost like a sign telling me that I have come to an intersection (more like a fork in the road, rather than a four-way intersection) in my life. Which path will I choose?
At every juncture, I have chosen to trust God. It is so easy to say it now, but I still battle with the emotions raging within me. Too many tears have been shed along the way. Yet, I look back with no regret.
For nine years, I had served a coordinator of a regional prayer ministry. I loved what I was doing. I enjoyed getting to know the people I worked with. I was paid almost nothing for an almost full-time job, but I never lacked, neither did I feel abused in any way. After eight years in this role, I was beginning to feel frustrated due to interference by certain colleagues who really did not have any say in my responsibilities. I prayed through every situation, trusting the Lord to bring me through unscathed. He was faithful to protect me every time. However, I was beginning to see a potential minefield that was developing under my nose. I knew I had to get out or get caught in the crossfire and end up being a victim that no one would care to notice. What was I to do?
At one of our annual conferences, a friend prayed for me. She said God was orchestrating circumstances around me to make me feel bad, but it was a “good” bad. God was telling me it was time to leave that ministry. At that point, I did not even stop to think about the next phase of my life after leaving. I just knew that there was another major project lined up. I did not bother to think so far ahead.
When was I to leave? Who would take over my job? I did have questions, but the thought of being victimized overshadowed all the questions. I sent an email announcing my resignation to the core team of the ministry, giving six months’ notice or until the funds for my allowance were exhausted. One of my colleagues asked me, “Why wait six months? Why not now?” I guess I was being responsible, trying to give them time to find a replacement and do a proper handover of my duties. That decision became a huge thorn in my flesh.
I suffered a nagging dry cough that would not go away. I kept feeling a sharp claw jabbing at my right arm. The Lord rebuked me for loving the small allowance they gave me, more than trusting Him to provide for me. When I officially left, the cough disappeared and so did the jabbing in my arm. I was truly free! Body, soul and spirit felt light and free!
What was my next step? I did not know. All I knew was my God told me to trust Him. He brought the next transitional step almost immediately. I plunged myself into that project until it ended. I was exhausted. It was time to rest, step back and let God refresh me: body, soul and spirit.
Intersections are times when God is saying that it is time to walk a new path. They are times for us to make a decision to trust Him. Once we have decided to follow Him, we cannot turn back. There is no good reason to turn back. The journey with Jesus is always a glorious one, “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20).
My Jesus sets the intersections in my life, and leads the way forward – always.
Written by Lena Wan
Lena is a Corporate Trainer, providing business soft skills and business English training in the Cambodian and Vietnamese market. She is also pastoring a small Chinese congregation and has a heart to reach Chinese-speaking young people with the Gospel. She currently resides in Singapore.
