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I Will Miss You.

Something that i hear over and over from veteran moms is, “they grow up so fast.”

When one becomes a new mom, it is easy to be caught up in the repetitive nature of parenting duties, that it becomes so easy to miss noticing how these little ones are changing.

 I spontaneously wrote this on my phone, some time in mid-December, 2015, as I watched my baby play by himself.  Writing this reflection in that moment  was very cathartic for me.  I want to share it with you. Here we go:

Putting your two tiny hands on my chest, and pushing me backwards while looking down…

OK, I get the message: You want to go down and play. Clearly, you are not enjoying my hugs right now. I can see how you are beginning to burst our airtight attachment bubble.

You are growing so fast, my baby boy.

Just a few months ago, you helplessly depended on me, you couldn’t move.Those early days that I stared at you, like I needed proof that you were still alive. I would watch how your little chest would rise and fall, as you breathed.

Even with that, some times you would hold your breath for a little longer, and mommy would have thoughts of rushing to the ER in her underwear, visualizing the embarrassment only after the doctors have sorted her out. Well, I’m glad that never happened.

 Today, at almost 8 months, you fling your arms in the air, signaling for me to pick you up,  just seconds after you pushed me to go down.

I cannot help but imagine your independence in just a few years from now.

How will I adjust to your “pushing mommy away?”

I’m a proud mom to watch you grow up, but at the same time, sadness is creeping up in my heart, because things will not always be as it is today.

 I will miss your endless teething drool all over my face, as you bite my nose to soothe your gummies.

I will miss your smack on my cellphone right now as I type. 

I will miss your squeals like a mouse because you want a feed. 

I will miss the way you hold on tight to my shirt as your separation anxiety develops. 

I will miss your bright, smiley eyes when you wake up and realise mommy was by your side the entire time you napped. 

I will miss the way I pat your head with a towel while you sleep, because you sweat profusely. The Pediatrician told me “babies only sweat through their scalp, and some babies sweat more than others.” You, my mousy, are a sweaty sleeper. 

 I will miss your total dependence on me to do whatever is right for you.

I feel a little sadness about this, but tremendous joy to watch you grow. 

You are becoming your own little person, my baby boy.  

I will miss you. 

To all the mamas out there, what do you/will you miss about your newborn or infant? Please share.