The Real Reason Why We Are Adopting

Adoption?

 Me?

 I’ve always been aware, even growing up, that I’m not the natural motherly, nurturing type.  You won’t find me gravitating towards the kids at social functions. I guess because I really like stimulating, engaging conversation, and I don’t get much feedback from the little ones! Even if I do attempt the goochy-goo baby language I somehow still don’t get a great response.

My husband, who is just great with kids, tells me it’s easy to connect with them. “You don’t have to talk to them, just get down to their level and join them in whatever they’re doing!” So I thought I’d debut this new approach at the next kiddies birthday party. A little girl was playing with a toy telephone and I overheard her conversation. I physically got down to her level and said ‘Hi there, are you calling your Granny?’ She turned to me with a fierce look in her eye…“MINE!!” she shouted.  I looked around to make sure no one had witnessed this failed attempt at befriending a three year old, and headed quickly for a cup of tea.

Although we had agreed before we got married that we would ‘just adopt’ instead of go through a series of materially, physically and emotionally costly treatments, we did attempt just one in-vitro cycle. If God wanted to give us a child through this means, we would make ourselves available. Sadly, He didn’t do it this time around, and it could be argued that we should have given IVF another one or two attempts. But we chose not to; somehow we just couldn’t bring ourselves to go down that road again.

And so, since we still believed in and desired family, we revisited adoption – but how on earth could we be sure that adoption was for us? I mean, where can one go when looking for tried-and-tested, sage wisdom, in an instant – Google, of course! Search terms: ‘How do I know if I should adopt?’

Nothing helpful.

There was plenty of information about the adoption process, and a little about what to expect. But nothing to help me make a critical decision, to help us know for sure that this was what we were being called to do. (Oh how we wish at times like these for that little letter that would drop down from heaven and land on our doorstep addressed to us, with clear instructions as to the next move!)

Not many jumped at the idea, not least of all our parents. HIGH RISK warnings and red flags were waved before us. On the brink of his retirement, my dad even offered to fund another IVF treatment at a mere R50000 or so, just to see if we could perhaps have a child the ‘normal way’. We were touched by the offer, but decided against it. And who was to say which route would actually be higher risk?

We had started to read a little about adoption even before we tried the fertility treatment route. We listened to personal testimonies, online sermons and found inspirational stories on YouTube. Each of these experiences planted another seed. My husband was particularly touched by the comparison of adopting a child with God’s adopting of us into His family, even while we were still so far, so opposite, and so different to Him.

We were also convicted that adoption is not ‘plan B’ for anyone. Adoption is a unique and beautiful thing, and so is a biological child. When one doesn’t work out, the other isn’t second best. Both have the same end – starting a family – but through a different means. But the call to adoption is to choose to love the child that is ‘other’. The child that has come from a tough reality. The child that hasn’t had a crowd cheering in the stands as they head out of the starting blocks of life. It is a rescue and a ransom. Surely adoption is a beautiful thing?

This blog post has been shortened. The longer version was originally published on Caroline’s Life Notes